It is hard to express how I feel in a piece of letter or a blog. I wish I had a boat and swim all the way to the middle of nowhere somewhere I can sit and stare at the moon and speak out loud all my feelings. I guess I can't do that right now, because I don't have a boat but I have friends that I could be free to speak to because I trust and value them. I don't know where I went wrong, but I feel like something is squeezing my heart. I feel like I'm dying little by little. I was told in an indirect way from the most precious person in my life that I have no rights to know everything about them and that I should keep my nose out of their life! I'm not surprised! This is not the first time and I'm sure it will never be the last time. We had something like that before and I always end up blaming myself for the irresponsible action of mine! I just show how stupid I am and how jealous I can be! However my intention is only to show how much I care about them. I will seriously take it as "Stay the Fuck out my life" even though I should have the rights to know every tiny little thing. My heart is squeezed; my body feels so heavy I can't even carry myself. I want to cry, but I don't want to show weakness and I want to tell them how I feel but I know what I will be told! I'm not to hurt them, but to love them more and more. They are here for me and I should be here for them and whatever their action is, it is their choice to make. I have no rights to share my opinion or else I will be told that I'm just trying to control them.
I can't keep a bird caged in my heart for a long time if they don't want to be with me. I decided to love and live for them, and I'm still confused about their decision.
Being Honest is what I look for in a person
And one more thing..
I really want to have a boat of mine! =)
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2 comments:
I'm really not sure what to say :( But I feel at first one may keep to themselves things about their life until they get to know the person very well. Sharing those thing builds trust and shows one to be very honest.
I can kind of relate to the person you're talking about. I've always kept my feelings bottled up and didn't let people 100% into my life.. and my heart. Probably cuz I knew one day they'd just end up hurting me.
When I got with Robert he wanted me to open up more. I tried, but bad habits are hard to break. In this case I've come to realize it's the opposite of my other relationships. He is more scared of ME hurting HIM.. than I am of him hurting me. Over the years being with him has been rough for a lot of different reasons. If you love someone though, you make it work. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.
Give this person their space. Maybe after time they will open up to you more, and let you in. But maybe not. Love is supposed to be unconditional, so even though you want this person to BE a certain way, they can only be who they are.. and you should accept them for that. It might not be easy, but hey.. who ever said life was easy?!
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